In the Midst of the Dying and the Healing

I spent my first whole day in the intensive care unit (ICU) this week. I was doing a respiratory therapy shift, something that most paramedic students that are in a program that is worth a shit are required to do. We have to listen to lung sounds, extubate people, suction airways, that kind of stuff. The ICU is an odd place, stuck in between hope and despair. The people that work there are something to be admired, I don't think its for me.

Patients there are in one of three states it seems; dying, healing, or in limbo. I am sure all of us here have dealt with the dying kind, either with loved ones or acquaintences. Many of us may have been the healing kind, or had direct contact with those that have been in the ICU for a time. It's the limbo kind that not too many people are familiar with. They are the ones that bother me.

The patients that are in limbo have some "untreatable," or "inoperable" condition. Their families hurt, they hurt, the people that work with them even hurt a little. They have no recourse, and their outcomes are usually very sad. These people are the topic of many a medical ethics conversation (that usually turns into an argument). I took a class in school called Death, Dying, and Medical Ethics and we talked about that kinda stuff a lot. I can tell you this, it is fairly difficult to find two people that share the same opinion on medical ethics and morality/mortality.

I am tired tonight. I am on shift again, this will make my third 24 hour shift here. The last two I haven't been able to sleep. Strange bed, strange sounds, plus the underlying feeling that you may have to jump up out of bed at any time and go do something. They say you get used to it. I hope so. I think I am getting too old to go without sleep completely.

Rain

It's raining outside. Not the nice spring rain that comes and goes, leaving everything all clean and fresh. It's the spring rain that lasts for a few days and causes mud slides, floods, and various other crappy spring disasters.

I was looking forward to a day of working outside. We were planning to flow test some fire hydrants today, maybe paint a few, look dashing in our fire engine; get out in the public and do something that doesn't involve cleaning, washing, or organizing. Alas, mother nature has confined us to quarters.

Few people know this, but firemen only rarely do really cool exciting shit, like save kittens, babies, puppies, grandmas, and other desireable cute things like that. Most of the time we wash trucks, sweep floors, organize and re-organize various things, and do routine boring shit like fire inspections. Fire departments (especially those involved in EMS) have mountains of paperwork that lead to even larger mountains of statistical information that must be compiled and shared with the governement at various levels; city, county, state, federal. At times the amount of paperwork can reach storybook proportions (I can't off hand think of any stories that involve mountains of paperwork, but surely Monty Python has done something of the sort).

I think it's good that most people don't know that. Otherwise, people wouldn't think it was nearly as cool to be a fireman as they do. Larger departments have secretaries and assistants to assist with all this stuff. We here in the middlst of nowhere do not. We answer phones, file, sweep (see aforementioned list).

Anyway, this boring spring day is undoubtedly going to lead me into the dark task of cleaning out 100 years worth of out dated fire code books, training manuals, worthless army surplus shit from great wildland fires of days past, petrified mice, and other useless shit from our massive storage room.

I hope I don't catch the haunta virus or something awful like that.

Waiting

While we wait, how about some background...

Tonight is my first overnight shift at the fire station. I have everything I need to entertain myself (well, most everything). I suppose I should clarify that and limit everything to worldly things such as TV, high speed internet, books, magazines, telephone.

What I really need (or want) is a good fire or EMS call. This always pisses my wife off when I say things like that. For me to have "fun" with a fire truck or an ambulance, someone undoubtedly has to have a really shitty day. That is the sad truth about my new job. Keeping me and my fellow firefighters busy means ruining someone else's day. A lot of being a firefighter or a paramedic involves waiting, at least out here in the middle of nowhere. I am sure there are departments out there where you can't get any sleep ever... I don't know that I would like that (at least not in the long term, but for a short stint it would be way fun.)

So anyway, back to my first evening at the fire station. It kinda feels like moving in to a new apartment. I will be living here for two (sometimes three) days a week, so I wanted to make myself comfortable. Set up the computer, install some hooks for my clothes, fan out some nice nerdy Firehouse or Fire Chief magazines, you know, move in. The sleeping quarters are brand new, so they kinda have this awful carpet glue smell about them. That has been teasing a slowly developing headache I have been working on all day.

Our department is unique in a sense. There is only one paid person on at night. That means I have the whole creepy and dark fire station to myself. In my younger days that could have meant a hell of a party. The station has great acoustics and all the light show equipment is very impressive. This is a new thing for our department, well sorta. There used to be an overnight person all the time, but budget cuts eliminated that long ago; we are now in a huge growth spurt so things are going the other direction now. In the event of a fire call, I hop up, get the engine started and become part of the engine crew along with volunteers. In the even of an EMS call, I either respond in an ALS quick response vehicle or hop on the ambulance with volunteers.

We run about 500 EMS calls and 100 fire calls (some of those overlap) a year with ALS coverage 24 hours a day. Even though I have not yet finished school, I am considered ALS because I run as an EMT-I-85. When I am finished I will be a paramedic. I have been a volunteer on the department for two years and was hired full time last year. Technically, I have been around a bit, but officially I am still a probie, thus I stay over night a lot and do a lot of sweeping, mopping, and washing.

I think that's enough rambling. Howdy to all my pals out there. Wish you were here to enjoy the light show. The music sucks, just some whiny dispatcher rambling on about drunk and disorderly people. Maybe one of them will need an ambulance ride...